♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪
♪ You'd better check under the sea ♪
♪ 'Cause that is where you'll find me ♪
♪ Underneath the Sealab ♪
♪ Underneath the water ♪
♪ Sealab ♪
♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪
Gabble, look and listen, that's the key.
See the underbelly glisten.
Listen, Gabble! Not in this dungeon!
30th birthday, huh?
Well, maybe Hesh could rap at your party.
Yeah. I haven't picked a party theme yet, but no.
Well, maybe I'll just impromptu...
a little somethin' somethin' on the mizzike!
- Actually-- - You feel me, dog?
Actually, I called to tell you you're not invited.
Wow. Kind of a lot less hurtful if you just hadn't called at all!
Yeah, but then you might have shown up.
OK, bye!
Archie, you believe the stones on that bitch?
Hammer, hammer, toilet slammer!
Archie, what the crap are you doing?
Be a streak of red against the gray!
Well, if I had to guess...
I would say it's related to mad cow disease...
but much more icky.
Yeah! Rolling down the road!
Is it terminal?
It would appear so, yes.
- Is it contagious? - Not airbornely...
but the victims bite anyone who crosses their path.
Not unlike that tragic hound Old Yeller.
Did you say victims? "8$"? As in plural?
Oh, yes! About 20 so far.
And it's vectoring outward rapidly.
My God! It's an epidemic!
That's the word I was looking for.
Wait. How come none of the infected people have bitten you?
I secrete a poison.
Basically, Senator, it's psychosis...
then paralysis, then suffocation.
The green fever begins!
There's a name for this?
It's from being away from trees too long.
Something about carbon...is it...dioxide?
- Which one do cars make? - Mon. Monoxide.
Right! Right! So, the other one.
And no cure for it, from what they tell me.
You knew this might happen, and you sent us down here anyway?
Actually, Sealab's just a front--
part of a huge government experiment to study the disease.
- What? - Ice Station Zebra's got it.
You saps got it. Everybody's got it.
You sick bastards!
Son...
Will there be anything else, Senator?
No, I'm fine. Go ahead. Good luck, Doctor.
I have a luncheon with those lousy Democrats.
Mother--
Quinn! Emergency!
Has another pod been infected?
No. I haven't found a party theme yet!
Dammit, woman!
People are choking to death on their own bile...
and you're yakking about your birthday party?
OK, whatever little drama you've got going on, not helping.
And none of them are invited, anyway.
Sufferers!
Come out to play!
Dude, are you sure these are gonna be mercy killings?
OK, once more.
Would you rather die a horrible green fever death...
or get a nice, clean pipe to the temple?
- They are nice pipes. - Huh. Right.
Where do you even find these pipes?
Pipe storage.
You know, I've never even been down there.
You should. It's pretty cool.
Hey, Hesh! Seen any fever heads?
No, and I'd better not see any. H-Hey!
Where'd you get those kick-ass pipes?
Pipe storage! Sparks got them!
Damn!
Why not? That's how Cuba fixed their AIDS problem.
We're not starting concentration camps.
That's what the Nazis did.
I tell you who else did it--
the United States of God bless America!
The Japanese internments were one of the most shameful of--
You didn't see any kamikaze planes...
slamming into the Brown Derby, did you?
And while they're in there...
we set them to work making these little guys.
He's a jazz musician.
You stick them googly eyes on there...
and trumpets and what all.
Oh, those'll sell, buddy!
The victims have catastrophic nerve damage...
then choke to death.
How are they supposed to carve coconuts?
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
Go to hell.
Well, what am I gonna do with all these?
Oh, my God.
What?
I just found my party theme!
Just racks and racks full of pipes?
Dude, it's a whole pod full of pipes!
How do you know? You haven't been.
- You haven't been! - Well, from what you told me--
OK, just don't act like...
you're this big pipe-storage expert all the time.
- Jeez! OK! - OK?
Because you're not!
But you can't just leave!
Oh, quite to the contrary, sir.
Will I even wear these?
But we've gotta find a cure!
- Tilting at windmills! - Or at least contain it!
My advice to you is this...
l certainly don't need my tuxedo.
- What's your advice? - Oh.
I would try to somehow trick the infected people into going outside.
What?
Tell them there's medicine out there...
or candy--whatever. They don't know.
- So they'll drown? - It's not a bad way to go.
A peaceful feeling comes over you... like a binky.
Rot in hell, you coward!
On the other hand, if there's a formal event...
and I have to rent a tuxedo, I shall be furious...
and that really sends my poison glands into overdrive.
Now, "plumber” is actually from the Latin root "plumbum®...
because the Romans used lead pipes for all their plumbing needs.
- No way! - That's why--
That's why lead is Pb on the periodic table!
Hey! I'm telling it!
Since when are you pipe history maven?
Since I took the pipe-storage tour and rented the headphones, ass!
- How was that? - Frickin' awesome!
Frickin' awesome!
You knew it was gonna be.
Back! Stay back!
Help!
Somebody please!
Stay back! Help!
Back! Stay back!
Help!
That sounds like Quinn getting chased by a mob of fever heads!
We should go bash them with our pipes!
Help!
Yeah, but now, I'm kinda thinking...
that my pipe is, like, pristine.
Yeah. I don't want brains all over it.
Well, what's the big deal?
We just stretch big rubbers over our pipes...
to keep the brains off them!
Help!
I don't super-want condom lube all over it, either, though.
What if we put nonlubricated condoms on the pipes...
and then the lubricated ones over those?
What? Why even bother with the lubed one...
if there's already one on the pipe?
God! Ever since you got that pipe...
you've just been the biggest bitch!
Hey! Don't cuss in front of my pipe!
Well, I don't know, it's... l feel chubby.
Promise you please won't take this the wrong way?
Please don't insult me.
- You are chubby. - Aww.
But it's endearing.
Infected people! They're everywhere!
Almost got bitten!
Those freaks are out there actually biting people?
Yeah. I barely made it.
Don't they realize I have guests coming?
Oh, crap, that's right. Debbie's party!
Yeah. We should motor. Hop in, Hesh.
Hesh wasn't really invited.
What are you talking about? Everybody's invited.
Dude, she went through the phone book.
You gonna hit me when I'm low?
Kill them. Kill them all!
Well, then, call the police on them!
- The police? - Coast Guard. Whatever!
Debbie, their brains and lungs are turning to jelly!
It's not really the Coast Guard's bailiwick.
It's not their bag.
But they're going to ruin my party!
They're going to die a horrible death!
Wait. When?
Well, considering the shockingly rapid course of the fever...
I'd say probably within the hour.
Because the invitation said 9:00...
but people probably won't come until tennish.
Not the cool ones, anyway.
- Hello, Shirl! - My cat has cancer!
Shirley, I swear to God!
Dude, there's a frickin' pile of dead bodies out there.
Shanks, be a lamb and drag the corpses out of sight for me.
And put a damn shirt on, fatty!
Aw, go empty your catheter bag.
I'm not crippled!
You're fixin' to be!
How can you be so damn selfish?
Because how many times do I turn 30?
Well, according to your driver's license...
I'd have to say five.
Aw, damn! No, he didn't!
I know my man ain't just gonna climb...
all up on top of Shorty's grill...
and put down a flag that says, "Bap! Five, bizziatch!"
You tried to sneak Hesh into my party?
No! Hesh who?
- Hepplewhite. - Shut up.
That's his last name-- Hepplewhite.
OK, that friggin' does it! All of you, out!
You too, Mr. Look-in-my-purse!
He was probably looking for his balls!
Fine. I'm tired of that 35-year-old ass, anyway!
Aww, damn! l guess he found them.
...you, you... mother...!
Well...
This has been a lovely evening.
- Would you just drive? - Thanks for having us.
Frickin' awesome!
Where are they going?
I kicked them out, the bastards.
Are people showing up yet?
Nah. Everybody's dead.
This is great!
Yeah, it's good to be a main character.
No! My party's ruined!
This is my worst 30th birthday ever!
Aw, don't be sad, sugar.
I'm here, and I got you a little birthday present.
You did?
Ta-da!
What possible use...
could I have for that?
Five, bizziatch!